The Superman in Me

How do I describe you?

You are beautiful.

When you would walk towards me every morning, I wanted to exist in that moment forever. The moment suspended between the long wait for your arrival and the seconds before you were sitting by my side with your scent enveloping me.
Do you remember how we were before? We were like two islands colliding and losing themselves amongst the tangled brambles and lost wilderness of the other. We were like the Bermuda Triangle. For days, weeks, months- they couldn’t find us. We were gone. High above them, we rolled in each other’s arms and never once looked down at the steep drop below.

I used to believe that all I needed to survive was the watermelon scent of your skin, the pinkness of your mouth and the happiness of your laugh.
I used to believe that you were my reason for birth, existence. I was invincible by your side, do you know? The way they say in the movies and the books. The way you never understand until you’re stripped of each layer and you’re lying side by side with the core of another person and suddenly you’re completely naked, exposed, and at the same time, you are more powerful than all the evils of the world.
That’s how you made me feel.

Like Superman.

But your love made me greedy. The way a rabid animal might want human blood after the initial bite. I wanted so much; I don’t think you had it in you to supply the unending desire that began to take over me, that began to spread through me on the underside of my skin. It spewed out my pores and ached for you, it beckoned you to me. I soaked up each drop. I think I left you dry.

I began to want for your smile to belong to me and only me. No one else should control your emotions, not like I could. I began to wish that you would give up your world to enter mine, or at least create a new one with me. We would be the co-founders, we would be the Presidents, the Emperors, the King and Queen. We would be God and Goddess. Indestructible, invincible. I would be Superman. And you could be Wonder Woman.

But I guess it doesn’t work that way.

If you take too much from the Garden of Eden, you’re left with Pandora’s Box. Or like me, you’re left with nothing at all. With my hunger for you, I drove you to lose your appetite. The flesh of me fell off of you. It wasn’t long before you were emaciated.

I look upon you now, a skeleton- devoid of the love, care, need, desire, happiness I used to plump you up. A scarecrow of our former-ness. And now, the hunger in me for you burns ever on. But I don’t say anything, I don’t cup my hands together and fall on my knees to beg you for a morsel of what I desire. You must think I’ve moved on.
But I haven’t.

You are beautiful.

Sometimes, I don’t know what to do. I want to hold you and laugh with you.
Sometimes I wonder, how can you have changed so much and I still be the same? How can I still need you so desperately and you be so free of me? I look down at me and all the walls are gone. I’m a stump, a legless, armless corpse of who I was before you came. I think back to when my core and your core lay side by side and dared the world to touch us. It was so long ago.

I don’t feel like Superman.
But as I fall off this building, my silent scream bouncing off these city walls, I wish for you to be the one to catch me.